


Simon's musings

by daddysocrates



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:07:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daddysocrates/pseuds/daddysocrates
Summary: I saw someone gave me kudos on my fic from like 3 years ago. I was also in A Mood. These two things came together to form whatever strange sad little prose this is about Simon also being in A Mood some time between wayward son and carry on.Baz and Penny are mentioned but don't feature.CW - use of "fat" as a (self) insult, allusions to suicide, general sad times
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Kudos: 9





	Simon's musings

Waiting for Baz to leave might break me. Or him. I've become so completely self-absorbed these fast few months (years?) that it feels as though everyone is just a background character in the Simon Snow pity party. I watch the way his expression falls and his shoulders drop every time I turn him down and a sick part of me revels in it. Hurting the man I love so desperately has become just another way to hurt myself. It's unforgiveable but I can't stop. 

My life has been hurtling out of control ever since I lost my magic but not the way that I imagined it would. Instead of breakdowns and dramatic arguments, I've been spending my life on the sofa getting fat and snapping at my friends. Like an astronaut wrenched into place by the thrust of the spacecraft, I sit here immobile as everything falls apart. 

I look around at my surroundings. There are plastic bags and little Tupperware boxes from four days worth of takeaways and empty packets of crisps that seem to have grown their own eco systems. Baz and Penny used to be meticulous about cleaning up after me but now it's like they leave me here to rot while their lives go on around me. I don't blame them for it. I mean, I really don't, I've been awful to them. I'd need some sort of time machine for things to go back to the way they were.

I have the thought that I have had every day for months — the only people in the world that could possibly understand me well enough to love me cannot love me anymore. I am alone and from now on, I always will be. Maybe it would be better that way. Once they're gone for good, I can finally slip away without the burden of their grief on my shoulders. I shake my head to clear it of this thought and I fold back into the crease of the sofa, fawning contentment.


End file.
